hmmmm...

its almost 2 month...
very long never update le...
lots and lots of things happen on mi...
i dun wanna update its because that time i really no mood to update...
but seens its gonna be over.... i'll update...
On this 1 and the half month time...
i'm very sad...
i have broken up with him...
he like another girl..
but at the same time he do like mi too...
but he like that girl more then mi...
this one and the half month..
i have saw alot of things that i should know...
he bluff mi alot of things..
4th Aug 2007... we got a small quarrel...
he said he dun wanna go out on sunday...
so i decided to go his house on sunday...
but when i reach his house, he is not at home...
i wait and wait and wait....
call him dun wanna ans, msg him dun wanna reply...
he reached home at 11.15pm...
he told mi he was very tired but he went out till so late...
i asked him... where did he go...
he told mi... he went out with his friends and its a guy...
but actually not... i only find out when its aug going sep...
i'm not going to say how i find out but when i know it i'm very down...
natioal day eve i'm working...
and i'll be going to his house and stay after my work...
he told mi that he will be very late home so he ask mi to go up his house 1st
but i reached his house there around 12am plus...
i dun wanna disturb his family so i waited under his block....
cause i know he'll be taking cab and i know where will it drop...
my phone suddenly no batt...
then i faster msg him that when u finish work le faster give mi a msg...
i wait and wait and wait...
until its around 5am plus...
i finally found a switch !
i charge my phone and i called his phone for so many times he nv ans...
so i decided to called his house...
he actually reached home at 12plus
but when i switch on my phone i never even recieve any msg...
i'm really scared when i'm waiting for him...
so many people that had disturb mi...
when i go up his house... he nv even say anything...
i just go to bath and sleep...
i'm really tired...
the next day... i told him "i know u very tired working cause you everytime OT until so late )
he is a person need 8 hours for sleeping...
after he enter this job he dun have enough sleep...
so i told him i decided to work on this saturday so that you can rest more...
when that day i'm working...
he told mi that he'll be playing soccer with his cousin that afternoon and at the night he'll be watching singapore soccer....
after he tell mi all this...
when the next min i msg him i call him he already off his phone...
i dunno why...
i tried calling him till morning 6 plus...
the next day i go his house he said that his phone no batt...
but actually i also found out that he actually went out with that girl...
i'm not going to say how i find out all this things...
he watch the rush hour with him...
but he actually promised that he'll watch with mi....
but nope...
when i know all this i just can't stop crying...
i know he already like that girl..
but i really can't let go...
i know i should let go...
but i really dunno how to let go...
we have been together for so long !
i can't just let go like this...
i tried to do so many things to let him come back...
i know its stupid...
i have bought so many things for him
but he dun like it...
one day i bought alot of chocolate for him...
cause i know that chocolate can make a person happy...
i remember that i also bought the hello panda but its chocolate...
i know that he likes strawberry but i just wanna buy chocolate cause i wan him to be happy
but in the end he exchange some with one of the girl working with him de....
that is wat i buy for him...
but he exchange...
i know he nv exchange all...
but if he really wan i can buy one more strawberry de...
why must exchange...
i remember there is once i need to go to his house and stay...
cause the next day i need to go to jb... its a school trip...
then if i stay his house it'll be nearer to my school...
before jb trip i'm working....
suddenly raining very heavily...
i decided to buy an umbrella and go to his office and fetch him...
cause i know that he'll sure work until very late de...
happily bring along the umbrella and on my way walk to him office...
i saw him holding that girl hand (if i nv see wrongly ) and walk toward mi...
but i think he saw mi... so he let go of his hand...
i dunno wat to do and i dun wanna walk with them...
so i told him i'll be waiting for him at the MRT...
before going down to the mrt station...
i throw away the umbrella...
i dunno wat to do but only cry...
haiz....
i really dunno why this kind of situation will happen to mi...
i really dun get it...
i nv really break with him on that time...
i told him... i'll give him time to choose...
when i reached his house i can't sleep...
i have to wake up very early next day...
cause i need to reached school at 6.50am...
he can sleep... but i can't...
i know i'm not suppose to read his phone
but i read when he is asleep...
saw alot of msg from that girl...
i won't say wat she write but i only can say they call each other dear...
suppose to wake up at 5.30 but i slept at 4 plus 5 and wake up at 6...
its going to be late so i took cab down to school...
while going to jb trip there something happen with my friends....
after reach singapore he ask mi to go his house stay...
and i took cab down to his house and i reach his house at 9.30pm...
he finish his work at around 9.45pm but he say he wan to go to lao pa sa for dinner...
i know he will go with that girl...
i asked him can u ta bao back and eat...
he promise mi to ta bao but he actually eat down there...
i wait for him for so long...
he reached home at 12plus...
everytime tell mi he is very tired...
he know that he very tired but still wanna go out until so late...
i dun get it...
got a quarrel with him...
he shouted at mi...
his whole family faster come out and see wats happening...
i cried but i dun wanna let them see that i'm crying...
all this time, i have not been sleeping well, eat well...
cause i just can't stop thinking....
I have not been stop crying for 1 and the half month...
its been so long....
i have to put on a smille everytime cause my friends dun like mi carry a long face...
although i really dun wanna smile...
but i have to....
i dun wanna let iris thay all know its because i dun wan them to worry about mi...
but in the end they also know le...
on his graduation day eve i told i'll be going to ur office to meet u and go to his school together...
but he dun wan... he ask mi to go to his house and join his parents...
although i dun really know why...
on that day
actually i wanted to go out walk walk 1st de...
but his parents just nice drive pass mi and fetch mi to his house...
we leave his house at about 1plus...
reached his school at around 1 plus 2
he told his mother that he is reaching...
but we wait and wait...
he suppose to go up at 2.15 but its already 2.10... he still haven reached...
i walk around and i think that i saw him...
so i walk towords and i saw he was actually with her the other side...
i'm shock.... he saw mi... that girl said that she is going off...
he touch her face and sayang her infront of mi !
i feel like crying...
when back to his parents there and his mother helping him to wear his gown...
he touch my face but i move it away...
his mother though i'm angry that he is late...
his mother say ( sometime no need always show face de )
after awhile i told his mother that he actually reached very early but was with that girl...
i know her mother can't do anything... but at least she know that why i'm like that...
it should be a very happy day for mi de... but in the end i dun really enjoy the graduation day...
i have been waited for his graduation day for so long !
but i dun enjoy it...
last week sunday i told him...
i'll let u go...
seen that girl dun wanna let him go then i'll let him go...
he cried...
i'm blur...
i dunno whether should i let go...
haiz....
just last saturday 8th sep 2007...
i went to find him...
he actually had already started relationship with her...
he had change everything on his wallet...
he took out our photo and put he and that girl de photo..
although i dunno when did they took that neo print...
and his phone de photo also change le...
he told mi now that girl its his gf...
although i already let go
and already started to forget about him...
but i still can't stop my tears...
cried and cried and cried...
i can't do anything...
there is still alot of things about mi and him but dun really wanna say out...
i really dunno wats going on for my future...
i only can see wats happening 2molo...
But i can comfirm I'll let go !!!!